You ever have one of those days? *sigh* I'm having one of those months, I think. Feeling teary all the time. I'm feeling like such a whiner but maybe if I just get it out maybe I'll feel a little better. So here's your warning...the first part of this is a pity party whine fest.
I feel like I've had a lot on my emotional plate lately and I'm so ready to blow. I'm feeling like relationships are falling apart, like I'm ALWAYS mommy and wife and never Allison. I guess that comes with being a stay at home mom, huh? Feeling like I'm not good enough for certain people or like I'm not worth people's effort. Like if I disappeared, the only one's to notice would be my kids because there'd be nobody to wash their clothes or feed them. Yep, I warned ya....a big whiner I am today. On top of that, we overdrew our checking account by a few hundred dollars, don't have credit cards to fall back on and my son's behavior is getting to be unbearable. I guess that's the most pressing matter at the moment. The only one I feel like I could possibly have some control over.
My middle son is such a honey. We've always felt like there was something off with him. Behaviorally. You have a "bad" kid and of course immediately know that people judge you as a parent and you feel it's ALL your fault. Feeling like you're not doing enough. I know there are certain people in his life that would rather not even have to deal with him and it makes me incredibly sad. He's such a funny loving boy. Some can only see the bad things he does. My grandmother always comments on how she's never seen a busier boy or how he never stops moving or what a handful he is. She always says how Max and my nephew can't get together because they're awful together. My sister and I get so sick of hearing it. Or people will watch him do something wrong and say "boy, I DON'T know how you do it." And I do worry about what people think of him and us.
This year he started first grade. On the second day of school his teacher and I ran into each other at the end of the day when I came to pick them up. She expressed her concern about Max's inability to control his fidgeting. She wanted to know if he had always been that way or if maybe he was just nervous. I told her that it wasn't uncommon for him and we've been concerned about his behavior for some time now. She told me that she had given Max a squishy ball to squeeze while doing lessons or whenever he needed it to help him focus. He is very easily distracted. Last night we went to open house at school and happened to be the only ones in his classroom during the session we attended. It was a perfect opportunity to talk to her one on one about what we should do. We've also been in contact with the occupational therapist at school. His teacher is so on top of her game,it's great that he ended up with her. We've set up a conference for the end of the month to go over his behavior and so we can stay on the same page.
When the teacher mentioned the ball to help him concentrate, I immediately started doing research on the internet and came up with Sensory Processing Disorder or SPD. Reading about this condition was like having a light bulb go off in my head! The amount of symptoms I checked off for Max was unreal. I'm also wondering if it's possibly ADD (not ADHD). The therapist said there's a fine line between the two, so she was giving my husband and Max's teacher a survey to fill out and she'll look it over and we'll go from there. I'm not hoping there's something wrong with him, but if we do come up with something I'll be happy to know how to deal with it now. I'm very hopeful for his situation. I will NOT jump on the medication bandwagon and WILL learn how we can work with him and what will benefit him and us.
Now if I can get finances, marriage, friendships and whatever else going in the same direction, I'll be a much happier camper!
Okay, I'm done...thanks for letting me vent.